It comes in waves.
One day I feel your presence Lord and then I feel myself distancing from you when I finally can catch my breath.
I get angry with you and then quickly beg for repentance because I know I brought this on myself.
Your plans are of good for me. I think I know better. I delay the blessings you have for me.
Still though, how come those that don’t even fear you or believe in you live to see another day.
Those that don’t believe their choices have repercussions are promoted?
I do wrong and immediately am reprimanded.
I get angry but quickly beg for repentance.
Lord this time around don’t let me waste this pain.
Let me meet this anger
Let me meet this loneliness
Let me meet these disappointments
Let me meet these mistakes
Let me meet the rejection
Let me meet this anxiety
Let me meet this depression
Let me meet all these emotions that are trying to engulf me.
Face to face. With courage and stillness.
Use my pain for your will Lord. I need to surrender to you. I can’t hold on to this anymore. Take it from me, it is not of you.
Use my pain for your will Lord. Use my pain.