Radiant Peace

As I approach 26 my biggest goal for the year will be not to let life take the child  from within me. When we are young we often want to rush the adulting process, only to realize it was a horrible trick. We are tricked into believing that life is about getting a driving license, sweet sixteens, turning 21 so you can legally drink, getting a full time job, and so on and so forth. We anxiously rush to these metrics only to discover it was not all that it was hyped up to be. As a result, we realize that we used up some of the most precious moments wishing and hoping for the inevitable. The true value is in the time that we can never get back, our childhood. In the end we end up becoming bitter about life. We shoot down dreams because our dreams got shot down. We are quick to anger because we are frustrated with our state. We are selfish because no one looked out for us.

One of my biggest fears is to look like what I’ve gone through. In retrospect, my life, I admit, has been relatively easy. God has looked over me, protected me, and delivered me from many situations. My biggest enemy has also been my internal dialogue and when I give into weaknesses. However, sometimes my interpretations of situations results in me responding incorrectly and then having to stop myself before making matters worse. I pray that I can always be aware of how my actions could affect me and I look forward to the day I become aware more quickly.

My father and I were talking about femininity and he pointed out to me something I never realized before . He said a lot of men respect Oprah, but a lot of men won’t be physically or emotionally attracted to her. Oprah, is a powerful woman, but I don’t want to be an Oprah. She is too powerful because she’s had to be her entire life and she is so use to conquering her own dragons and so she doesn’t need a man to.

Like mentioned my life has been emotionally trying but nothing more. Emotional battles are tough but some people have emotional, physical and verbal trauma. I love that I haven’t had to harden my heart to survive and I want it to continue that way. I love that I truly desire my husband to protect me and slay my dragons. If I needed to slay my own dragon, could I? Most certainly I could! But I don’t want to and I want that piece of me to always remain.

Have you ever seen a woman who glows when she walks in a room? Her smile radiates and is contagious, she loves children and children love her, she makes people laugh and feel good about themselves. She is always giving and sacrificing without complaint and she isn’t shy to proclaim her love for her God and her family . However, she is not idle, she creatively responds to the world around her through her talents. This is the woman I want to be.

Every day I consciously pray to God during my quiet time or while in conversation, for him not to make me bitter and hard, but to soften me despite what life throws at me. I know He will fulfill this request, but I must do my part as well. I must actively seek out and engage in activities that keep me spiritually and emotionally healthy. The more I do so, the more blessed and free I realize I am. I feel full, light, and content when I tap into my inner child. I don’t take life so seriously, I forgive easily and love limitless. Allowing your inner child thrive internally is crucial in these times. Therefore, I encourage anyone reading this to tap into what makes you feel like a child and promise yourself to never separate from it. 

K. Nkem

5/24/17

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