I saw myself. I looked older; more mature. I could tell by the outfit I had on, how I had my hair. I was watching myself in a hospital room with a little girl. The little girl was crying; laying down on a cold silver table kicking and screaming. She was so afraid. I was holding her down, trying to calm her down, trying to comfort her. As I was doing this a doctor walked over with his assistants. He held in his hand a long syringe. He approached the girl with the syringe in hand. I watched myself work harder to calm the little girl down.
I woke up bothered. Who was that little girl in my dream? Why couldn’t we wait until she calmed down? I hate seeing children get shots. Why would I even be there?
At that time, my life was very comfortable. I had a decent relationship with God, had a great job, travelled, was in a relationship, had a large friend circle and was close with my family. My life was steady, my life was easy.
I remember though at one point I was talking with God and He told me that before I was blessed with fruit, I was closer to Him. He revealed to me how certain relationships and decisions were separating me further from Him. He showed me I was putting things such as titles (job titles/relationship titles/status) before Him.
I thought to myself. I get closer to God through pain. I knew when I realized that, that I must make painful changes. And so, I slowly but surely started making painful shifts in my life.
The hardest shift was cutting out relationships and habits that I picked up from being afraid to be alone. When I made those decisions to end relationships , I felt like my worst fears were coming true. I felt like my world was shattering. I couldn’t take it. I half- a@#’d it. As a result, it got messy and slowly but surely I was humbled by God and this world. The Lord revealed to me things about myself and others. Hurtful truths about family members, friends, intimate relationships, careers and life in general.
Looking back now, with what’s going on in my life emotionally and spiritually, I realize that little girl in the dream was me. The woman standing over her, was the woman I am going to be. The doctor approaching the little girl in me, was symbolic for what I was going to get taught. What I was going to get a little dose of. The little pain I would have to endure to give me strength for what was to come.
I need to go through this season. God showed me that. He also showed me that the end result will be worth it. He is making a warrior out of this little girl. I’m hurting now from those closest to me, but no matter what it looks like in the physical. I’m not alone.