When I was younger, I was severely allergic to certain foods. For example, I couldn’t eat my own birthday cake or chocolate or ice cream; all which were childhood favorites of many. I was an only child, I had an last name that was African and I went under a handful of skin and dental surgeries at a young age. Like many young kids, I was in my awkward stage up into high school. However, I remember not understanding why I had to be made that way. I would look at the lives of others and begged God to switch places.
I grew into my looks and body, sort of, in middle school but still; I was different. I wasn’t like the popular girls. I wasn’t invited to the cool parties, I didn’t have a boyfriend until the 7th grade and I definitely wasn’t being intimate with my male peers. I remember crying wishing I looked like the other girls, said the vulgar comments like the other girls did, to dance and act like the other girls. I saw that the other girls got boyfriends and I wanted one also. I didn’t pray to God that season; instead I ran to the crowd and God let me.
By high school, I was comfortable with myself but still wasn’t like the girls who I saw the crowd admire. I was still different, I did what those girls did, I had what they had, and I was even friends with those girls. However, it felt fake. I wasn’t meant for that environment and the better I got at being those girls, the more I felt fake. I realized people around me didn’t really know me or care for me. Even though I was who I thought I wanted to be, I still felt as cold and as empty as I did as a child.
For the first year I was in college, I was double minded. I knew who I was being wasn’t me, but I was so use to who I was, I wasn’t sure I wanted to let her go. But I did, and I was so happy that I did. When I made the decision to kill the girl I spent years building, I reflected on her evolution. I realized at a young age God had set me apart from the crowd. From not allowing me to put all of those fake sugary foods in my body as a child, to him giving me bad rhythm up until High school so I wasn’t out in teen club getting myself in situations that weren’t good for me. I saw how God had been setting me apart this entire time. After killing the girl I built inside of me, I saw that God had different plans for me. In his gracious mercy, He allowed me to be like the crowd,befriend the crowd, and get hurt by the crowd; knowing that eventually I would run from the crowd and back to Him.
“The sorrows of hell encompassed me” and I ran to God as fast as I could. I knew that where I was, I didn’t fit in and I didn’t want to fit in anymore. I saw too much, I wasn’t even able to handle what God showed me about the crowd. The things I exposed myself to disgusted me. The people I called friends made my stomach ill. I knew we were unequally yoked.
Now, at 26 I am experiencing the same thing but on a different level. I feel like everyone is pregnant, married or traveling the world and I’m here like: God did you forget about me?!
He didn’t though, and I have to gently remind myself of what I learned at a young age. If I am not careful then I could replicate the mistake I made in my youth. It could be worse this time however, I could rush in a union that isn’t for me, or bring a innocent life into this world that I’m not prepared to handle or get in extreme debt trying to keep up with the Joneses. The stakes are bigger this time . The mistakes are more detrimental and time consuming.
Often times we feel like God has set us aside, forgetting about us like a toy we begged our parents for and forgot about in a week. God is different though, He is not like man in the sense that He is constantly thinking of us and wanting to use us; everything He has created has a purpose. Our assignment is to discover that purpose through building a relationship with Him. When I was younger I wanted to find my purpose in the world, but I can’t discover my purpose in people who had no say in my creation. I need to ask my Creator and refer to the instructor manual(The Bible) He provided me. When you look at the world and compare your life, you do yourself a disservice because your circumstances are unique to you. Since it is a unique experience the path taken has to be different. You don’t want to be like everyone else, you do to extent, but you should want a unique story because it could be just as or even more exciting. You will never know though if you are living out another person’s life.
Let God set you apart and explore why has He set you apart.
In a home, the good china is set apart from the rest of the silverware, it’s used for special occasions, it is protected and stored away because it is special and can’t be damaged. When you feel like you don’t fit in, or your not following the timeline of the crowd, don’t sweat it …your the good china. Let God use you for those special occasions and protect you from damage and harm. You are special, hence God’s effort to set your life up differently. Don’t follow the crowd, always be on alert when you see a lot of people doing the same thing don’t follow them so hastily. Always embrace where you are. Be a trailblazer, not a follower. Do this by embracing where you are. The unique stories, perspectives, and new resources that you offer aren’t available to this world until you tap into your potential; until you embrace YOUR story. Don’t keep making this world suffer from a lack of your input. Shake this world up, make the changes you want to see, but first allow and surrender to being set a part so you can focus and prepare yourself for the special occasion God clearly has in mind for you.
June 29, 2017